In a fun new game (well fun for us at least), we have randomly selected 10 Toronto MLS listings and have translated them for all you non-Realtor-types.
“Very Good Opportunity Of Investment In Town Town, Builders Are Moving Fast Towards East Of Down Town, So You Can Cash This Opportunity On Proper Time Or Rebuild Your Dream Home In Care Of Downtown”
Tear-down house. And I’m a Realtor who doesn’t bother to get my copy proof-read by someone who speaks English. And I’m likely a discount Realtor.
This one needs a lot of work. Like new electrical, plumbing, walls, kitchen, basement, garage….you name it, it needs it.
“This Bright And Spacious Bungalow Is Much Large Than It Appears, Perfect For Anyone Not Wanting TooMany Stairs.”
Really small! But 500 sqft will feel like 600 sqft!
“Income Property On Rooming Basis. New Exterior Stucco. Shows Pride Of Ownership.”
This is a rooming house. The pride of ownership comes from the fact that the owner gets thousands of dollars in illegal rents by renting it to 12 people – he hasn’t done a thing to this house in 20 years. (did I mention the windows are boarded up on the main MLS photo?)
“Newer Parquet Floor Throughout”
Parquet floors upgraded in the ‘80‘s from the original parquet of the ‘60‘s. Really, how new can parquet be?
“Show and Sell”
Given this was the entire description, I think this can be translated to: lazy realtor. Or, I’ve cut my commission so low that I can’t even take the time to write a description of your home.
“A Big Ensuite Laundry That Can Used As An Extra Room”
Pretend the laundry room is a spare room. Really, it’s a good idea. It’s the +1 in the bedroom description.
“Don’t Miss This Great Value, Great Location, Amazing Unit. Wow!”
The condo has no redeeming features of it’s own, so I’m going with generalities and hope nobody notices. And I don’t own a thesauraus.